Bereft

be•reft /breft/ adj. [not before noun] (formal) 
1 ~ of sth completely lacking sth; having lost sth: bereft of ideas / hope
2 (of a person) sad and lonely because you have lost sth: He was utterly bereft when his wife died.  The shock of his departure had left her feeling alone and bereft.


Such a soulful little word.  One that tugs at the heart strings and reminds every one of us of a time when we have felt a little disconnected and somewhat alone.  Simply annunciating the word out loud causes one to sigh as the word leaves one's breath.  


Thankfully I have not been experiencing the former of the above definitions.  With the promise of a contract and the lessening grip of a virus, I find that my stressful state has eased, freeing room in my cluttered mind for a few creative thoughts.  Only a few but it's a start that's to be gently encouraged.


Sadly it was the second definition that described my state a couple of days ago.  A friend whom I have known since teenage years (the phrase 'oldest friend' would be misleading as actually my friend of the most advanced years is 67!), stayed with me for a rare Friday night catch up.  Warmed by the glow of such an easy but wonderful friendship (and okay, I admit, a bottle of fizz), I tipped into bed, looking forward to a relaxed day of coffees, chats and strolls with a friend who is almost like a sister.  


We giggled as the teenagers we once were as she nestled into my bed early the following morning with the news that she had to leave in an hour or so.  A change of plans due to a certain chap.  I love said friend so deeply that I felt sad for me, but hopeful for her.  Hopeful that this time the chap in question would not let her down.


She left in a flurry, full of hope and the need to clean!  My small flat suddenly felt very large.  Slightly empty as the last echoes of our laughter seeped out under the doors and windows.  I felt bereft.  Unconnected.  Yet, after a therapeutic walk through the park in the drizzle and whipping wind, I felt happy to have such a super person in my life again.  And a determination to connect more.  More frequently, with a lighter touch where required and to seek more pleasure from the precious time we have alive.


(n.b. obviously I will need to remind myself of this new commitment as I stare at my mac, waiting for the next email to ping its way into my day!).


Bereft no more.